The fear of solitude.

I went to the itchen after my mother had called for me. Mother has grown a lot more grey hair. Shes grown older without me by her side. Ive missed a lot... My sister is about to finish primary school, my father just had his birthday, and a lot of stuff has changed inside my house. A lot has changed since ive been awy all this time.
I nearly shed tears thinking about it. Ive lose a lot on the way to reach my goal. I hope my effort is worth it. I'd hate to lose even more. Cant things just stay the same? must everything change and come to an end?

Ive grown taller day by day. and my hair grew longer slowly covering my ears. time doesn't stop. i must get going. I know Ill miss my family more and more... friends as well. I'm at the brink of losing some of my close friends already. The irony of feeling lonely in a crowd of people.

Where will I be after this? Whats going to happen after this? Will I be stuck with Isolophobia? or will I open my eyes and open my mind to accept that these things happen.... Only God knows whats in store for me..

"The night goes on
As I’m fading away"

Learning from mistakes is better than doing the same ones, over and over again.

Homework Chemistry, Math, Mechanics, and Physics.. all the same. Do past year questions(PYQ)
I did my first paper 1 Chemistry PYQ and i got 21 over 40. that sucks. thats not good enough to get an A. then I did another 2 more sets of questions and I got 23 and 19 over 40. -not much change in marks I see...
My teacher told me to find the faults myself and If I need help about 'ununderstoodable' questions, then I can ask her about it.

After doing so, I found out about my mistakes, and I tend not to repeat it. Doing the next set shows that all the questions are just about the same. After my trials result come out, I hope I get more than 20/40. Hope something changed.

"Everytime I dive in my pool, Its hard to be humble,
When I do the breast-stroke through the underground tunnel"

Its back to the ridiculously cliche and annoying but often really true and complete quotes.

Sabar,
Work hard,
Think positive,
Belajar rajin-rajin,
Sikit-sikit lama-lama jadi bukit,
Bersatu kita teguh, bercerai kita roboh,
Biar putih tulang, jangan putih mata,
Buang yang keruh, ambil yang jernih,
Takut kerana salah, berani kerana benar,
Sepandai-pandai tupai melompat, akhirnya jatuh ke tanah jua,
Di mana ada kemahuan, disitu ada jalan.

These are almost complete summations of certain situations that we had experienced.
Them modern, complicated quotes can't beat this..


"Same old song,
Just a drop of water in an endless sea,
All we do,
Crumbles to the ground, though we refuse to see"

You cannot quit from your own story.

Everybody needs something to believe in.

"Light touched my hands in a dream of golden skans
From now on, you can forget all your future plans"

You know you can't help being in love with someone.

I may have found who I want, but she didn't found me. What to do when times like this happen? I just sat quietly and let go. I come back to my natural self. Later after a few months, or weeks, loneliness kicks in. Oh, how I wanted one of those... these are the times where not having love impacts me negatively.

Yesterday, I found a solution. My friend suggested I try calling some girls to chat with.
It helped. At least it settled my problem. Not to say that she was the one I like, but she indirectly had cured my loneliness. then I'm off to my old self, studying, being with friends, waiting until the right time comes, where god had my fate decided for me to meet that someone.

"Boy I think about it every night, and day,
I'm addicted wanna jump inside your love"

Rendah diri sikit.

Semua jenis orang boleh ajar kita benda yg elok.
Walaupun orang tu jahat/ orang yg kita benci.

"Please excuse me I don't mean to be rude"

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A big oppertunity, A heavy burden.

Every year, when the A-levels result was out, all the seniors and juniors are told to gather in the hall to experience the intense moment. As a junior, I imagine myself putting on my seniors shoe. I can feel his tension, and I think I felt his worry. I was him for the moment.

When it was announced that about 20 people didn't manage to score the minimum requirements, while 30 some did, the tension in the room rises. People are starting to get anxious. We were told from the very beginning that the German A-levels is a very tough programme. The juniors only hoped for the best.

To know that your family is waiting at home for a phone call from you makes you feel very responsible. If you succeeded, they would surely be happy. If not, wouldn't they have their hearts broken? doing something responsible like being a student puts a lot of burden on your shoulders. People around you have high hopes of you being able to succeed. Your parents and friends might already told their friends that you are going to fly to Germany. not knowing that it is't true for sure.

Being a student really makes you put your own hopes aside, and put others hopes in front. If I cant do it for myself, I need to do it for others. Its not about me now, its about them.

"Birds came flying from the underground,
If you could see it then you'd understand"